Wedding Do's & Don'ts - Your guide to wedding etiquette

By Shannon Spiliotis Certified Wedding Planner

Times change and the etiquette of weddings evolves. But - with the invention of the Internet, social media, personal web pages and e-mail - a whole new dimension has been added. Our etiquette expert explores the do's and don'ts of today's weddings.

Is it OK to e-mail wedding invitations?

Although many people have access to the Internet and can get e-mail on their Blackberry, there is something special about getting a lovely invitation in the mail. There are many companies that offer the ease of creating an invitation that can be e-mailed and allow you to easily track RSVPs and save you money on printing and mailing costs, but this is not the place to save money. As a side note, half the excitement of the wedding is going through the mail each day to see who has responded. The same can be said about thank you notes. Pull out your best stationery, put pen to paper and write a heartfelt note.

Can invited guests be instructed to RSVP via a wedding website or e-mail?

While it's OK to include a wedding website or e-mail address on the response card, it is not acceptable to forego an RSVP card. An RSVP card with a stamped envelope should be included with the invitation.

Is it appropriate to send registry information with a wedding or shower invitation?

Registry information should never be included with or printed on a wedding invitation. This information can be included on a wedding website or be by word of mouth as most guests will ask those that are close to the bride and groom. Including registry information implies that a gift is more important than the guest. It is OK for the host of your bridal shower to include registry information with a bridal shower invitation as this is a gift-giving occasion.

I'm on a budget, is it acceptable to have a cash bar at the reception?

As tempting as it is to try to save money and opt for a cash bar, try to reduce costs in another area, such as cutting down the guest list. You invited these people as your guests and as such shouldn't expect them to pay for their own beverages. If you need alternatives to an open bar for the whole evening, you could host a soft bar, which would allow guests to select from beer, wine and champagne. Another suggestion is to look for a reception venue that will allow you to bring in your own alcohol, which would allow you to have an open bar for less money.

I'm unsure which wedding vendors to give gratuities to.

The first step is to review your contracts to see which vendors already include the gratuity in the bill. In many instances the caterer, reception facility and transportation company will have added this charge on and it will likely appear as a service fee or service charge. If it is not included in the bill, be prepared to tip 15-20 percent. You should also be prepared to tip hair stylists, makeup artists, valets and the coat check. If you feel other vendors went above and beyond the call of duty, you may want to consider tipping the DJ/ musicians, photographer, and delivery staff (such as a florist or baker).

I'm having a small destination wedding. Is a bridal shower appropriate?

If you are planning to have a local reception when you return to celebrate your nuptials, then by all means it's okay to invite those people to a bridal shower. If you are not having anything when you return, you should only invite people that were invited to your destination wedding.

How should invitations be addressed?

If the guest is married, engaged or living with a significant other, you should include them on the invitation. If a couple is living separately, an invitation should be sent to each address. If an invited guest is single and you want to extend the offer to bring a guest, include their name on the invitation as well. If you do not know their name, it is OK to write "and guest" on the inner envelope. Don't use pre-printed labels as they are far too impersonal. Always hand-write addresses.

I'm not sure what to write in my thank-you notes - how long do I have to respond?

When you receive an engagement party or shower gift, a thank-you note should be sent within two to three weeks. If you receive a gift in advance of the wedding, send the note asap. If a gift was given on the wedding day, within two to three weeks from returning from your honeymoon. Thank-you notes should be handwritten and not sent via e-mail or a shout out on Facebook. When writing a note, you should reference the item and how it will be used. If a gift of money was received, you should not reference the amount, but do mention how you will use it. Most of all express your appreciation and be sincere.

How can I let guests know that children are not invited to the wedding?

If you don't want children to attend, include only the parents' names on the invitation. If you feel you need to further reinforce the point that it is an adults-only event, feel free to include a short note letting the parents know why children are not invited. Feel free to let friends and family do the heavy lifting and spread the word that it is an adults only event. Should parents ignore your no child wishes, it's a good idea to have a kids' activity or a babysitter ready to help out with the uninvited guests.

How much should a guest spend on a gift?

There is an old wedding myth that a wedding gift should be equal to the cost of the meal at the reception, which basically implies that you are paying to be at this celebration and the couple will not bear the expense of having you there. Ideally, all guests are invited because you want them there and not because of the value of the gift. Guests like close friends and family will likely give more if they can afford it.

What information should be included on a wedding web site?

Wedding web sites are a great way to share information with your guests and provide a great place to alert guests to updates for the wedding, travel information and lodging, photos, links to your registry, a history of how you met and a guest book to share in your happiness at this very exciting time!