Wedding Dos and Don'ts - answers on how to handle stressful situations, different personalities and money

By Shannon Spiliotis, Certified Wedding Planner

You're engaged and along with endless amounts of happiness is stress, stress and more stress. Did I mention stress? Thinking ahead and planning for a variety of scenarios, differing opinions and personalities will ensure smooth sailing on your big day. We have the answers to some of the questions that have likely been weighing on your mind as soon as the journey towards matrimony began.

My parents are divorced, where should I seat them at the reception?

Divorced parents that no longer have an amicable relationship can make things really uncomfortable, so be sure to take this in consideration when planning your seating chart. Opting to have each parent at their own table with close friends and family is a great solution. Also, choosing to have the tables located at opposite ends of the venue may be a good idea.

Are we obligated to pay for travel and lodging for out of town guests?

While you aren't required to pay for travel and lodging, it is a nice gesture to reserve a block of hotel rooms and inquire about a discounted rate. Try to book rooms at hotels that keep guests on a budget in mind as well as those that prefer more luxurious accommodations. Be sure to send guests an itinerary in advance and place a welcome gift in each room with local treats, information on places to see and a contact list with room numbers and cell phone numbers, so guests can connect with one another. This will surely be appreciated by tired travelers.

I'm on a budget, is it OK to have a cash bar at the reception?

As tempting as it is to try to save money and opt for a cash bar, try to reduce costs in another area, such as cutting down the guest list. You invited these people as your guests and as such shouldn't expect them to pay for their own beverages. If you need alternatives to an open bar for the whole evening, you could host a soft bar, which would allow guests to select from beer, wine and champagne. Another suggestion is to look for a reception venue that will allow you to bring in your own alcohol, which would allow you to have an open bar for less money.

Do wedding guests typically send gifts before the wedding day or will we need to plan to transport them?

Many guests may opt to send a wedding gift as soon as they receive an invitation to the event or all the way up to the event itself. There will likely be some guests who bring gifts to the event itself as well, so it is best to designate a friend or relative to be in charge of transporting gifts and cards to an agreed upon location. There also may be some guests who choose to send a gift following the wedding. No matter when the gift is received, always be grateful and send a handwritten thank-you note promptly.

I'm not sure what to write in my thank you notes and how long I have to respond?

When you receive an engagement party or shower gift, a thank-you note should be sent within two to three weeks. If you receive a gift in advance of the wedding, send the note ASAP. If a gift was given on the wedding day, within two to three weeks upon returning from your honeymoon. Thank-you notes should be handwritten and not sent via email or a shout out on Facebook. When writing a note, you should reference the item and how it will be used. If a gift of money was received, you should not reference the amount, but do mention how you will use it. Most of all express your appreciation and be sincere.

Am I required to feed vendors at the wedding reception?

Many wedding professionals will stipulate in their contracts that they anticipate being fed. If they do not include this in their contract, it is a thoughtful gesture. The thing to remember about this is can you do your job to the best of your ability on an empty stomach? If you want the best service possible, be sure to plan on feeding and providing non-alcoholic beverages for the band, DJ, photographer and videographer. Some reception sites and/or caterers will offer you a discount for meals purchased for vendors. If you are concerned about the additional cost, you could opt to feed them a lesser costing meal, such as a sandwich. Be sure to talk with the reception site coordinator in advance to discuss where the wedding vendors should be seated for dinner. A full stomach makes a happy photographer, band and wedding planner!

Why have a wedding website?

In addition to being able to enlighten all interested parties on how you met, where you went on your first date and how the groom proposed, it also allows you to share details in advance of the wedding invitation such as if lodging has been reserved, where you are registered and who is in the wedding party. Also, it gives guests the option of responding via the website, but be sure to still include a stamped envelope and response card with the invitation as well. Post wedding, guests can share photos and you can update friends and family on your honeymoon and future plans!

Is it OK to include registry information with a wedding or bridal shower invitation?

Registry information should never be included with or printed on a wedding invitation. This information can be included on a wedding website or be by word of mouth as most guests are trained to ask those that are close to the bride and groom. Including registry information implies that a gift is more important than the guest. It is OK for the host of your bridal shower to include registry information with a bridal shower invitation as this is a gift-giving occasion.